she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
