Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
