i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
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One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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