So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
