Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
