I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
