we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
