You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
