why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
