she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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