dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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