Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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