Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
