it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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