even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
