Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
