stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
