There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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