You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
