Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
