Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
