i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
