remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know her cup size but not her name....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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