You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
