he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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