um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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