I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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