i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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