I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
