OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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