is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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