so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
