it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i think i just lost a toe
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
