I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
