what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
