im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
