I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
