I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
