ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
