I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
