Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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