Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
