First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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