You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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