i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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