Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
