i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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