Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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