I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
