It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
