Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize