So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
