R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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