Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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