Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
