i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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