If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
