I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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