I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
