My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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