Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize