K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
