just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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