i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
