So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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