Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
