i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize