I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
