i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
