She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize